he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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