he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize