I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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