Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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