You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Drunk is a universal language darling
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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