he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
