Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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