I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
