i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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