why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
We need to get me chipped asap
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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