last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
