she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
