If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Every concussion has its silver lining
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
