he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
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I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
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It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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