Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
