You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
