im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
