When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize