There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
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