I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
