guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
