Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
