Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize