oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
