Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
