It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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