Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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