The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
