You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Barsexuality is the new black.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
