Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
