final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
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Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
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My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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