I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
