need another drink. this is the easiest way
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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