I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
