you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
be right there i have to get my cape
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
