Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
