Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Less talking, more tequila
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
