I wanna passion pit in your ass
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
