if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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