I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
