I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
