he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
