Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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