so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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