I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
