hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
