I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
