I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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