wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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