I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
