Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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