Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
