Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
