i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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