I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
