She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
