I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
