So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
