you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
These tits shall not be calmed
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
