It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
