Will you blow on my dice?
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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