The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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