I want you more than these girls want KFC
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
