I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
