atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
please don't ironically join a cult
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