hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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