I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
