It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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