im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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