Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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