Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
