That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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