when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
