I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
You left your phone here
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