she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
