I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
