I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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