I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
