mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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