i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
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i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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